i am not as depressed anymore. i’m not close to ending it.

on lucy dacus’ goodreads page she quoted Voltaire’s Candide that says:
“I’ve wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but I still love life. That ridiculous weakness is perhaps one of our most pernicious inclinations. What could be more stupid than to persist in carrying a burden that we constantly want to cast off, to hold our existence in horror, yet cling to it nonetheless, to fondle the serpent that devours us, until it has eaten our heart?”

that is probably the prettiest thing i have heard in a minute, so I guess I can say I feel a bit like that.

I’ve reconnected with my love for books. I’m reading two right now. Got some audiobooks, too. I’ve organized on Obsidian the books I have and I plan to read all of them.

I’m hoping to stay like this for a while. The world forgot about me, and I’m forgetting about the world.