This was a very eventful month for such little deeds done. Many of my plans had to take a pause, including searching for information for my master’s and writing for this publication. I ended up being so busy I barely listened to albums to write for Nightporter, but in exchange, I ended up doing a lot of work on myself. I worked on a new diet, a workout routine, and even got back to my piano lessons. All of that in an effort to be happier, be more satisfied.

I reconnected with an old flame, too. We talk with each other every day, again. I get happier, I get sadder; the usual. It’s incredible to talk to someone so interesting that has such a big heart. But then, I stop and think that I know where this is going, despite my efforts, despite my love. Sometimes, it feels like we’re just delaying it. I try not to think about it too much, most of the time. I will always believe in the love I feel; its clarity is never shy to me. And we’ll be okay. She has a lot of love and kindness to give. I will be by her side for as long as she wishes to give it to me.

We’ll probably have a lot of lyrics on the individual songs today, as most of them were being listened to because of their connection to the events. Every song also seems to carry some theme to how I was feeling about her. Well… Not every song. Bob’s here.

You wanted to dance. Let’s dance.

The Album

Jake Bugg — Shangri La

One of these days, we reunited on Discord and decided to listen to one of her favorite albums. We chose this one, after dodging Lorde’s trigger words of breakup.

Back when I used to listen to Jake Bugg in order to remember of her, I would mostly only listen to his debut and Hearts That Strain. I went straight to that one because I saw her listening to a song from it once, and also because I felt like it was the closest I could get to the Jake Bugg I’ve always wanted to listen to. I love Hearts That Strain, still, but this is the record I’ve always wanted to listen from him.

Shangri La, Bugg’s second effort coming right after his successful debut, has a great combination of his Arctic Monkeys(debut)/Babyshambles(Delivery)-esque energetic tracks with his Alex Turner/Peter Doherty (both solo) slow and romantic guitar tunes. He is his sweetest here, on tracks like Me and You and A Song About Love, and his explosiveness is in one of the most interesting pykes I’ve seen from him, like on What Doesn’t Kill You and Slumville Sunrise. A huge highlight in Simple Pleasures, as it combines the best of both of these worlds.

I have to be honest, I don’t know if it’s just love, but I don’t think I dislike any songs in here. I don’t come back that often to Kingpin, but even it can win me over with time. I’m really glad I listened to it with her, besides always loving being around her.

The Songs

Mac DeMarco — This Old Dog

One song I used to listen to all the time, back when it was released. It was around that time that I was the most obsessed with DeMarco’s songs, and this album ended up being his best. I suppose that here you start to notice the themes of this month’s playlist. DeMarco knows how to make songs about sad realizations in life, sad goodbyes. He feels like a person that tries to be content with the facts of life that hurt. “It is what it is”. That’s a healthy thought. If we have to leave, if we have to die away… It is what it is.

Sometimes my love may be put on hold
Sometimes my heart may seem awful cold
These times come and these times go
As long as I live, all you need to know is

This old dog ain’t about to forget
All we’ve had, and all that’s next
‘Long as my heart’s beatin’ in my chest
This old dog ain’t about to forget

Earthbound Soundtrack — Summers, Eternal Tourist Trap

This is the theme song for Summers, a city in the SNES game Earthbound. I finished the game at the very beginning of the month, and this song was one of the ones that stayed with me the most. Sadly, the original version is not on Spotify, so the version on the playlist is a sort of cover. You can listen to the original on YouTube. I wish to write about Earthbound one day; it wasn’t the first time I played it, but it definitely shook me up.

Haley Blais — Be Your Own Muse

Last month’s playlist post made me reminiscent of Haley’s songs, so there’s quite a few of those in this month’s playlist. This one is one of her best, sang from a perspective of a lady seen as a “funny friend” to the person she loves, trying to make them see her as a lover too. She has a few songs on her debut about this, but this one was always my favorite.

I suppose I have a lot of triggers. I often was praised as an idea, but the person of me was never the one. In these times, artists like Haley are quite comforting; as she says, she ended up finding she “could be both”, having a healthy and loving relationship she still has to this day.

Kanye West — Street Lights

Probably my favorite Kanye West song, or at least one of them. 808’s is my favorite Kanye record. I realized how I loved this aesthetic that surrounded this album of having this depressive moment while also partying, as a colliding effort between the shallow and the profound.

Ben Folds — Family of Me

A fun little song from Over the Hedge’s soundtrack. A friend reminded me of it, and I’m glad he did it. I pictured myself singing this song to my future child on the piano I’d have in my house, and we’d both be having a thrill singing it.

Serge Gainsbourg — Comme un boomerang

A random Gainsbourg song I discovered quite a long time ago. I’m quite a fan of it, the recording of his voice sounds a bit funny because he keeps losing his breath and there’s no editing to fix it, but I like it, nonetheless. The lyrics are the highlights, as always.

I feel booms and bangs
Agitating my wounded heart
Love, like a boomerang,
Comes back to me from past days
Crying the crazy tears
Of a body I had given you.

I have on the tip of my tongue
Your name, almost erased
Bending like a boomerang
My mind rejected it
From my memory, because the binge
And your love tired it out.

Primus — Bob

A complete change of mood, this is one of the darkest songs I know of. One of my favorites from Primus, it details the events of a suicide of a mutual acquaintance of the band. I love songs where the end is just repeating phrases as they yell more and more, so this fits the category, I guess.

Haley Blais — Remove Tag

Another cute Haley song. Not the last on the playlist. Before listening to Below the Salt for the first time, this was as far in her discography as I went, so I knew this track around the time it was released. It has the sweetness that she carried in her earlier stuff, while having the more refined aspects of her debut.

Janet Jackson — Velvet Rope

The only song I remember from this Janet Jackson record, but also one of my favorite Pop songs. Maybe it’s time for a revisit? I think the melody is right up my alley, and probably one of the best starts of an album I’ve ever listened to. Can’t recommend it enough.

Res — Let Love

I was listening to something that I can’t remember now (probably Velvet Rope?) and was recommended a lot of songs that were kind of similar; they’re the next few songs in here. It starts with this one, which is one of my favorite finds of the month. I have never heard of this artist, and I’m super excited to dive into her other songs any time soon. I could listen to this one forever.

Minnie Riperton — Baby, This Love I Have

Another discovery, another killer track. I don’t think I knew Minnie before this, but here’s a song that’s hard to forget. A bit more Soulful than the other tracks, but it’s just as good.

Esthero — That Girl

This one is more similar to Let Love and Velvet Rope. One of my favorite discoveries, also. It has this melody that is so tender and so hypnotic, I can swear I’m feeling some kind of deep peace when the chorus comes along.

Richard Dawson — Beggar

Obligatory Dawson song for this month’s playlist, since I mentioned him last month. I have to be honest: I’m not a Dawson scholar. But I used to listen to this song a lot, so I hope you grow fond of it as I did. I think it’s so cute when he does his little high voice, it’s a cute song all around.

Stevie Wonder — Blame It On The Sun

One of my favorites (every song today is one of my favorites, my God, in a drinking game you’d be dead by now) from Stevie Wonder, it rang too close to my heart at the start of the month.

Who poured the love out?
What made this bitter doubt?
Is peace not here for me to see?
Wish I could tell you (Wish I could tell you)
What I am feeling (What I am feeling)
But words won’t come for me to speak

Oh, but I’ll blame it on the sun
That didn’t fill the sky
I’ll blame it on the birds and the trees
I’ll blame it on the day that ended once too soon
I’ll blame it on the nights that could not be
But my heart blames it on me

Future Islands — Like the Moon

Future Islands is probably only known by that one song, which I swear I’ve never listened to, but I know of them because Spotify recommended me Like the Moon a few months ago. It’s quite a strange song, the voice and the performance for sure steal the show.

She looks like the moon
She says, “it’s your eyes”
She sees everything
She knows me too well

And she looks like the day
She says, “it’s the light”
Something in the way she says “goodbye”

Ween — Stay Forever (Live)

At this point in the month, I was being a bit consumed by my relationship with this one friend. I didn’t know how she felt about me, it was all a bit cloudy, still. I suppose this is the one song that always plays when I think of her uncertainty.

In the morning sun, I couldn’t tell you
I couldn’t tell you so many things
About how much I really love you
About how much you really mean

So far away but it’s so easy to see you
When I’m away, I want to put my arms around you
And I want to know, do you feel the same way?
‘Cause if you do, I want to stay forever
And I want to know, do you feel the same way?
‘Cause if you do, I want to stay forever
With you

Elton John — Your Song

If I put here the parts in the song I relate to, it’d be the whole song (which didn’t stop me on one of the songs in this very post, you’ll soon see). The love I felt around this little space in time was tremendous, so the care I had in this feeling was stamped across my face and the songs I listened to. There’s something about the love Elton John sings in this song that makes it look so easy to write about a love like this one. It makes you know when you feel it, too.

Nick Drake — Place To Be

I realized at this point, I think, that I didn’t have any Nick Drake songs in my marlon-coded playlist. While I was listening to a few to decide which ones should I put there, I got reminded of this one. I suppose every singer-songwriter would love to have an inch of the inspiration and kindness he had at such an early age. In Pink Moon, you have the depression catching up to him like a bullet, but he still manages to sound very sweet.

Maria Rita — Encontros e despedidas

I’ve always loved the lyrics on this one. I think I was thinking a lot about goodbyes, so I ended up reminiscing of this thought that life is like a train station with people coming and going. The song talks more about death than about a living person, to which I also relate, but I suppose everyone who’s felt the grief of a breathing farewell can relate to it as well.

Mirel Wagner — Oak Tree

This was a song that I discovered in a very old Spotify playlist about Dark Folk or something, probably around 2017. It never left my mind, as some songs from the time did. I recommend it, kind of gives me Fiver’s Rage of Plastics vibes.

My Chemical Romance — Disenchanted

I suppose I was extra sad, so even Disenchanted came along.

I wasn’t the biggest fan of this one growing up, it was probably the one I’d always skip. Now, it’s one I always stop and listen when it’s on. Even though The Black Parade has a lot of elements that are super easy to appeal to younger generations, there’s always a thing here and there that you do feel you’ll only get once you’re older. This whole song feels like that to me.

Sufjan Stevens — Auld Lang Syne and The Dubliners — Carrickfergus

I’m back on my piano lessons, and to honor it in a way that’s hard to forget, I put the two first songs I learned.

I was doing it almost every day, with the happiness given to me by love. Talking to her makes me want to take care of myself, makes me want to be happy and useful. And then I start to play the piano, to finally fulfill my dreams of musicianship. And then, talking to her sometimes makes me confused. And then I stop the piano, and most things. As if she was my fuel, emptying and overflowing my tank.

I’m trying to do things for myself now. Being my own fuel. Caring about myself like I care about her. And when I do carry my own hands to the piano, these two songs are always old friends.

Depeche Mode — World In My Eyes and Halo

This album is probably perfect. I was thinking about wanting to make her understand she is a diamond, as seen through my eyes, so World In My Eyes played in my head. I have to be honest; I only now realized the whole song is just a metaphor to sex (LMAO). Like, it was sexy, I know, but I didn’t even… Like, I thought at least one verse was safe, you know?

Anyway, the song was great; it wasn’t my intention, though……

Haley Blais — Best Thing

One of my favorites from her. Nowadays, it always reminds me of the girl I’m talking to.

I have to be honest, there’s a part on the song that says that if she’d ever love another person, she’d beg to meet his mother, because this person has the coolest one. I remember listening to this song a short while after losing my mother and feeling so depressed I could never introduce my mother to a loved one. I started to think “do people feel sad if they don’t have a mother-in-law?”, as if it was a dealbreaker, and it made me a bit depressed. I wish my mother could meet the people I love. I’m sorry I can’t show her to you, love; she’s left and gone me.

You’re my best thing
You’re my baby
I’m a sweetheart
Pretty lady
So why do I feel so alone?

(…)

And Josie took the photo of us
The one where we were laughing just because
I promised that I’d frame it
But it’s not the thousand words I wish it was

Bright Eyes — Messenger Bird’s Song

Yeah, this is probably one of the heaviest Bright Eyes songs out there. I listened to it on the day before I had a talk with her about her feelings, and it was just fucking me up. Complete trigger warning here: don’t listen to it if you have a heart.

I almost cried listening to it now to know what to write about it, I hate how Conor’s trembling voice just destroys me.

And I know there’s words that we will never speak
And the questions can’t be answered easily
But I wanted to be easy so

Nod your head if the plans have changed
Shake it, love, if they stayed the same
Smile at me and I will stay
Start to cry and I’ll go away
Just please don’t leave me guessing

Bright Eyes — Lua

I think the love I carry to Conor Oberst is around the same love I have for Dylan, perhaps even bigger. Not that he’s better, it’s just that he’s such a complete package. His melodies are incredible, his lyrics are better than 90% of his contemporaries and he’s also kind of hot (I’m straight… in theory).

Lua is probably Conor’s best song. The first chorus is very relatable to me, which makes me quite sad.

And I know you have a heavy heart
I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me
Have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me, I’m not a gamble
You can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening
By the morning won’t exist

The Beatles — Girl and Michelle

Yeah, after the immense depression from not knowing how she felt, we had the conversation and I was quite happy with the way it turned out. Michelle is my favorite romantic song, probably by far, so I was feeling quite happy in these couple of days. Girl was probably the farthest Lennon could reach McCartney in the romance category in this album at least, if you don’t count In My Life. These are some of the finest moments in their whole discography, and I’d die to write something as sweet and loving one day.

The White Stripes — Truth Doesn’t Make a Noise

There was a song in the Jake Bugg album that I can’t remember now, but it had a melody very similar to this one. They’re one of those bands I’d listen to all the time back in 2017, and this is one of my favorite deep cuts from them. “Offend in Every Way” from their following record is a bit similar, I also recommend it.

Frank Sinatra and Nancy Sinatra — Somethin’ Stupid

Yeah, I was a bit in love, but also a bit too dumb. With her, it’s kind of hard to know if I can/should be loving or not. I try not to exaggerate, but it’s hard with a feeling that’s excessive. So sometimes, when I complement her too much, I feel like I said something really stupid. It’s hard to know if those things are permitted, if they’re too soon, if they’re harmless. To me, to her.

Tom Waits — All The World Is Green

I fell into the ocean when you became my wife
I risked it all against the sea to have a better life
Marie, you are the wild blue sky, and men do foolish things
You turn kings into beggars and beggars into kings

Pretend that you owe me nothing
And all the world is green
We can bring back the old days again
When all the world was green

The face forgives the mirror, the worm forgives the plow
The questions begs the answer, can you forgive me somehow?
Maybe when our story’s over, we’ll go where it’s always spring
The band is playing our song again, all the world is green

Pretend that you owe me nothing
And all the world is green
Can we bring back the old days again
When all the world was green?

The moon is yellow silver, oh the things that summer brings
It’s a love you’d kill for and all the world is green
He is balancing a diamond on a blade of grass
The dew will settle on our graves when all the world is green

Pretend that you owe me nothing
And all the world is green
We can bring back the old days again
When all the world is green

Probably my favorite Waits song. The lyrics say more than all I’d ever say or relate it to.

Tom Waits — Another Man’s Vine

This one’s quite funny; I listened to this song many times and have never read the lyrics to understand what it’s about. I find it very sweet and sad, Waits/Brennan-style. I suppose there’s a time I’d relate to it a bit more, but in a general sense, it’s hard not to.

Bougainvilleas bloom and wind
Be careful, mind the strangle vines
The rose is climbing over blind
‘Cause the sun is on the other side
The bees will find their honey
The sweetest every time

Around a red rose,
I see a red rose,
A red rose blooming
On another man’s vine

Oasis — Half the World Away

The person I love doesn’t live in the same state as me; the reason for this song being here is self-explanatory. It’s one of Oasis’ best. I discovered through an AURORA cover back in the day, I was in love back then and still am now (although the Gallaghers are not as beautiful as her!!!). Kind of a downer, but in a sweet way.

I would like to leave this city
This old town don’t smell too pretty and
I can feel the warning signs
Running around my mind
And when I leave this island
I’ll book myself into a soul asylum
‘Cause I can feel the warning signs
Running around my mind

So here I go
I’m still scratching around in the same old hole
My body feels young
But my mind is very old
So what do you say?
You can’t give me the dreams that are mine anyway
You’re half the world away

Tom Waits — Black Market Baby

So, I have a confession to make.

The Tom Waits songs that follow now were all part of a now-extinct text I wrote in this one day. I put them all thinking the text would go through, but I never published. That explains also the gap between this post and the last; I kind of exhausted myself writing that one.

There were many reasons for why I deleted that text. One is I wrote it around 3 AM, I was hurt, completely drunk on sleep and could barely grammar check anything. But another one was that the text was a bit confusing. I usually write without knowing how it will end, so it creates this sort of cathartic experience of washing the worry away. But I just didn’t know how to express my sadness at all; it was the first time it ever happened. I felt completely powerless against what ailed me, so when I ended up getting to the conclusion of the text, which was a little short story about me going to a bar, I realized I ran straight to nowhere, crashing against an invisible wall.

I still wish to say what I wanted to say about these songs, so it probably can be the next text or something. It won’t be that one, it will just talk a bit about Waits and Brennan. It will be a lot kinder and focused, I hope. As this song’s lyrics are genius, I’ll show them to you now. They remind me a bit of her, of course.

I swang out wide with her on hell’s iron gate
Anything that you wanted, you could have
My eyes say their prayers to her, sailors ring her bell
The way a moth mistakes a light bulb for the moon and goes to hell

She’s my black market baby (She’s my baby)
She’s my black market baby (She’s my baby)
She’s a diamond who wants to stay coal
Wants to stay coal

Tom Waits — Alice

One of the things I mentioned on the text was a girl named Alice, this really beautiful girl I once met, the last person I ever kissed. This is a story for another text; that one was just a bit messy about it.

My friend I went with to the bar one day mentioned her in passing, trying to get a reaction out of me. I can’t even remember the last time I thought of her. I said I didn’t even remember her face, only that she was quite pretty. He said that he remembered. We laughed at that. But thinking about her sort of messed me up a bit, so she ended up returning for the now dead text.

I promise to write about her one day, it’s just not a very interesting story as I never talked to her since. She is the symbol of something else in my mind now. Best to not think about it too much. As for Tom Wait’s Alice — the same Alice from the Wonderland, by the way — it is one of his best creations.

And so a secret kiss
Brings madness with the bliss
And I will think of this
When I’m dead in my grave
Set me adrift and I’m lost over there
But I must be insane
To go skating on your name
And by tracing it twice
I fell through the ice of Alice

Tom Waits — I’m Still Here and Flowers Grave

I don’t know if people still listen to the whole album where Alice comes from. It’s this soundtrack for a play about Lewis Caroll and his character. These two songs were hitting kind of hard on a relisten. The sweetest and saddest lines; it makes me want to watch this play so much………

José José — La Nave del Olvido

ESPERA UN POCO, UN POQUIIIIIIIIIITO MÁAAAAAS.

Excellent song, regardless of its current meme status. Thank God for these memes, I’d never find this gem otherwise.

The Smashing Pumpkins — Bullet With Butterfly Wings

I asked her to do a playlist for me with songs that were no skips and that related to her in some way, similar to my marlon-coded playlist. I completely forgot to add songs I listened to over there in here, this was the only one I remembered to.

I don’t remember ever listening to this one, besides always listening to The Smashing Pumpkins. I’m very glad I discovered it while listening to her playlist, besides all the other lovely discoveries I did around this time. I’m still finding new things over there; it is quite similar to her in this way where you can never know her entirely, there’s always something new to surprise you about her loveliness.

Elvis Costello & The Attractions — Almost Blue

This song touches me deeply. I don’t suppose I relate to it as closely as an other Costello track (I still want to write about I Want You one day), it’s still quite haunting to a heart like mine.

Almost blue
Almost doing things we used to do
There’s a girl here and she’s almost you
Almost
All the things that your eyes once promised
I see in hers too
Now your eyes are red from crying
Almost blue

Ariel Pink — Round and Round

Probably Ariel Pink’s best song, along with Dayzed Inn Daydreams. It’s quite sad he ended up revealing to be such a douche, but at least I suppose he proves conservatives can create interesting art; it’s quite rare, but it can happen, once in a blue moon.

Djavan — Se…

I read a tweet about this song, went back to it and it’s still the masterpiece it is. It feels self-explanatory the inclusion of it here, and I wouldn’t do a good job in translating the lyrics, so I hope you trust me when I say Djavan will always be one of the greats from Brasil.

The tweet was this one by the way. Don’t take it too seriously.

About the text: I really don’t know when the next post will come out. I’m thankful for all the traffic while I’m out, it’s just a different sadness and happiness now. It’s weird to write about it. It makes me adopt her bad habits of burying these feelings and ignoring them. It makes me understand it, too, I guess. When it’s too much. But it’s also very beautiful. I wouldn’t be with her if it wasn’t. She’s a beautiful thorny rose. Let’s see where it leads us.

I’ll be quite busy trying to fix these holes in me for the next weeks, starting a new diet and exercises and piano lessons and the likes. I hope you stick with me, lovelies. We’ll soon talk about trees again, I hope. One day, we’ll even talk about easy love.

April’s playlist is here, already. Check it out below.

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