Last month’s playlist was the cloudy edition; so much was hidden from view, it upset me. This month, we’re a bit on the sunnier side. For better or worse, things get clearer, and with our feet impossibly stuck in the concrete we slowly project ourselves to a conclusion of sorts. I apologize for the time taken between posts, but it’s also because writing became a relief from the deep sadness I felt, and now with her presence I feel much happier. I hope to be able to write in joy one day, even though this love as it is will keep giving me the fuel needed for the sad scribblings.

What you’ll probably see in this playlist and the next one will be songs that carry a lot of love and songs about leaving someone behind, thrown together in the blender as if I was breaking up in the middle of a marriage proposal. I suppose some days feel like that, sometimes. I just love her a lot. If she feels the same, I’ll never leave. Love is a very easy and silly thing, to me. It doesn’t take a thought, not one. But maybe I’m alone in this box. Who knows?

I don’t know if I can promise new posts soon. We’ll have to see. Also, this is sadly the first playlist post since I started doing these that has no album reviews; I didn’t listen to any full albums this month.

But you said you wanted to dance, so let’s dance.

The Songs

The Velvet Underground — Pale Blue Eyes

This is a very graceful song. The lyrics got to me really hard this month. The way it starts already says so much to me… “Sometimes I feel so happy/Sometimes I feel so sad/Sometimes I feel so happy/But mostly, you just make me mad/Baby, you just make me mad”. It’s so beautifully complicated to have some sort of Frankenstein love, the type of destructive force of creation that probably originated the universe we inhabit.

The Beatles — In My Life

Another cute love song, I was really digging some Rubber Soul at the start of the month. While listening to this Beatles song this past month, I had to confront the fact that she is not like anyone else I’ve ever met. It’s a love that I fear I can’t give to anyone else. How happy. But how lonely, to feel it alone.

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you (Ooh, ooh, ooh)
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

The White Stripes — I Can Learn

This is one of my old favorites from one of my favorite White Stripes records, White Blood Cells. A bit sadder than the others, but still a nice time.

No harm will come of this
One little midnight kiss
It will not burn
So many lonely days
I feel like a throwaway
Well, now it’s my turn

The Velvet Underground — Oh! Sweet Nuthin’

I remembered this song out of nowhere when I was creating this playlist. I suppose I was a bit sadder, here. I don’t have much to say other than it is a classic, so I’ll enlighten the reader on why sometimes I call what I have with this person a “nothing”. I probably have told this in another post in the past, so bear with me.

My friends in college would be the ones who would always see up close how much the distance I started creating from her at the end of 2024 was making me so sad I was ill. Some of them, one specifically, would be mad in a particular way. He believed I could be out there, kissing everyone and dating whoever I wanted because of “who I was”, whoever that may be, so it didn’t make sense to him that I was trying to have someone so impossible. Whenever I would explain how close me and her actually were, he’d always be mad and say that we actually had “nothing” at all.

That hurt me deeply in many ways. Such an ugly word to use. To me, it wasn’t nothing. But he knew that I sort of saw what I had with her as a relationship, while she saw as a very unusual friendship, so he wanted me to know that we weren’t anything. He was trying to help me, but it was all too rough and too soon, not kind at all. It just got me sadder and sadder; to cry over nothing.

It started to alienate me, so whenever I got really sad, I started to use this word, too. You see, when he said “nothing”, he wanted to say that I was just friends with her. But he used the word “nothing”, which hurt me so much. So, I created the concept of Songs of a Nothing, which is supposed to be my debut album, and wrote the song Nothing, where they all talk about having this nothing that you swear means something.

I have a lot of value for what I created with her in the past months. It is something I’d die to have with her. But the happier I feel, I can’t help but try and ease this fall of love. It’s so easy to forget it all with her. What a lovely person. I am not sad all the time, I hope none of this depressive talk made you think that. Her face is the happiest view.

The Libertines — Can’t Stand Me Now

Let’s distract ourselves from the depression with some Libertines. I was looking for a Doherty song (while writing about Jake Bugg for last month’s playlist) and remembered this one. I would listen to his solo stuff way more than his Libertines work for some reason, so I was a bit unfamiliar with this one; I just remembered being their most famous song at the time. I really liked it.

Alex Turner — It’s hard to get around the wind

I relistened to this one at the beginning of the month; it just destroyed me. The first three lines about heaven killed me. I don’t know how, but he managed to say exactly what I felt about this whole ordeal, no word wasted. Her depressive walks to “miss the quicksand” and the “peppering the pill” line basically being something I’d say to her in other words… It’s like he knew her and wrote about her better than I could ever do it. It almost makes me cry to listen to such a tender voice tell me that I know how it’s going to end. I hope to know nothing. I don’t want to know anything else.

It’s like you’re trying to get to heaven in a hurry
And the queue was shorter than you thought it’d be
And the doorman says, “You need to get a wristband”
You’ve got to live between the pitfalls
But you’re looking like you’re low on energy
Did you get out and walk to ensure you’d miss the quicksand?

Looking for a new place to begin
Feeling like it’s hard to understand
But as long as you still keep peppering the pill
You’ll find a way to spit it out again
And even when you know the way it’s gonna blow
It’s hard to get around the wind

MC’s Jhowzinho & Kadinho — Agora Vai Sentar

Ok, after that immensily depressive track… We have some brazilian funk!

I thought about how I never put any funk in these playlists. Some of them are fun to listen to, but maybe better when you’re dancing on a party. This one is a classic, there’s not much to say about it. It’s funny to think that listening to funk from that time brings me back to that time in my life better than Pop music. The world seems livelier when you’re younger, when love is naive and your bodies can only move forward.

Sleater-Kinney — Modern Girl

One of the best songs from its genre and from its time. Sleater-Kinney for those unaware is one of the most celebrated Riot Grrrl bands, usually bringing incredible performances around the Punk and Indie Rock genres. Modern Girl is a much more tender track than a heavy one, although its lyrics and melody and almost everything are amazingly Punk in my opinion. One of my favorite songs, for sure.

Sia — Elastic Heart

I asked for the one I love to make me a playlist with the songs she felt were “very her”, much like the marlon-coded one we have in this publication. One song reminded me of another song, which reminded me of another song, which ended up bringing me to this one. I was a Chandelier person growing up, but for some reason this one got me addicted for a while. I suppose its lyrics are something I’d like to tell myself in some worse days, back when me and her were apart.

Well, I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart
But your blade, it might be too sharp
I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won’t see me fall apart
‘Cause I’ve got an elastic heart

Bruce Springsteen — Born to Run

I was addicted to this one as well. At the beginning of the month, I was able to wake up really early and read some books while sunbathing on my terrace. This was the soundtrack for most of those days. It’s a very happy and energetic song. I was kind of in love with this sort of “runaway lovers” vibe and even watched a movie that I thought would fit. It’s a glorious song, made for smiling and happy wild days. All this reminds me now are those mornings reading my book about photography, thinking about my favorite photographer and person.

Haley Blais — Mine

This song only has four lines.

If dogs have one life
Cats have nine
If my dog needed one life
I would give him mine

I would listen to this song a lot growing up, knowing that one day my dog wouldn’t be with me anymore. Now she’s not here, and all I wished to see was her big smile she gave with her tongue all out, silly and tired.

Billie Eilish — BIRDS OF A FEATHER

I can’t just put the whole lyrics for this song here, but I wish I could. Another song I’d listen to while sunbathing, to me it always read as a song she could’ve written about me, in the days that I like to be a fool and think she loves me romantically. It’s definitely a song I’d write for her. We’re very much alike, we have a connection I think we won’t find in anyone else for the rest of our lives. I wish we’d just stick together.

The part in the second verse where she sings that she wishes the person saw themselves through her eyes hits me hard, too. Whenever I look at photos of her I get breathless, it’s an angel. And the way she talks about the love she has received in her life… How could anybody not love that woman with all of their hearts? Hearing what she has to say, sharing their heart with her. I wish she saw herself through my eyes. She’d never say a single mean thing about herself ever again.

And then it ends with her saying about other lives… Yeah, it’s about us.

Jordaan Mason & The Horse Museum — Avalanches

I watched that video essay about the album this past month (the one that’s on Letterboxd) and it helped me understand much better the confusing lyrics this album has. I have a lot of appreciation for Jordaan now. I am yet to listen to the whole album in one sitting, so I’ll refrain myself from talking too much about it. Today we’ll be left with the song that introduced me to them, and it’s most likely the best one on the record. Highly recommend for fans of weird folk.

Geordie Greep — Holy, Holy

A craaaaaazy song. Probably one of the best if not the best thing Greep has ever put his hands on. I don’t even know how to describe it, but it’s so up my alley. This sort of weird ass character is something I’d definitely be doing way more often in my works if I managed to make him as ridiculous as he is in here. One of my favorite finds of last year.

John Martyn — The Man In The Station

Excellent Singer-songwriter tune. His voice in here is smooth as butter. This is one to put on and chill out in a hammock with zero thoughts in your head.

There’s a man in the station and a train in the rain
There’s a face in the mirror that’s showing the strain
There’s a woman in the dark that’s standing apart
There’s a love in the man that’s breaking his heart

But it’s alright
I’m catching the next train home

Marianas Trench — Ever After

I never quite understood what the fuck were these guys doing back in the day. They did Pop Rock like any of those random emo bands did, but then they have songs that are like Rock Opera and Progressive Pop. Not many would be able to pull it off with their sound, and you can argue they weren’t that good, but I used to listen to this song and Masterpiece Theatre III all the time when I was younger. I will fight to the death that at least these two songs we’re really good, okay?

It’s crazy how Homestuck-core my music taste was around this time, I’m pretty sure I discovered them through MTIII in a Homestuck edit at the time (it’s a very Homestuck song, let’s face it). They weren’t even called edits at that time, they were like AMVs but not AMVs, you know? I forgot the name. Anyway. Great songs.

EDIT: Okay, I just listened to MTIII again and got to the doo-wop part. Why… Why even? Like… Like THAT is bad, okay? The rest is nice and I’ll fight everyone who says otherwise!!!!

The Cure — Close To Me

I am impossibly addicted to The Cure at the moment. Listening to The Head on the Door a couple of years ago was probably the defining moment where I really understood the band. I grew up listening to the famous tracks off of Disintegration and other singles here and there, but they always seemed to have an aura that was impenetrable to me. Listening to this album and getting it made me go back to Pornography and Seventeen Seconds and even Disintegration, looking at everything with the newest eyes. I am so glad I did it, and this song was a part of the journey. A very cute tale of Robert Smith’s fears as a child.

But if I had your faith
Then I could make it safe and clean
Oh, if only I was sure
That my head on the door was a dream

Tom Waits — Hoist That Rag

I’ll probably write something about this song in the future, so I’ll refrain from many comments now. All I want to say now is that this is definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, the best guitar solo I’ve ever listened to. So much personality, so fun and silly. It’s probably the only moment in Waits’s entire discography that someone outshines him in a track. Marc Ribot is a beast, one of Waits’s contributors that most “got him” and brought his own personality into the messy potluck that is the singer’s work. If you want to listen to something mildly crazy and impossibly fun, give this a try.

Tom Waits — Chocolate Jesus

I think this was one of the first Tom Waits songs I’ve ever listened to (the first one was Underground, in that animated Robots movie with the robot with the gigantic ass). I discovered this song through a Haley Blais cover back in the day, would you look at that! It must’ve been years and years ago.

It’s one of Tom Waits simpler songs, anyone who has ever gone to church will find this blues to be very silly and funny.

Tom Waits — Trampled Rose (Remastered)

I discovered this remastered version of this deep cut from Real Gone, one of the albums that I listened to the most from the man. It’s kind of funny, I grew up listening to the remastered version since it was the only one available in Spotify for a long time. I’m much more familiar with the changes done in the remaster, like the way they destroyed Marc Ribot’s solo on Hoist That Rag (but I must admit, I used to love the remastered version, and maybe still do).

But this change right here was incredible. You can listen to so much more now. Definitely worth the listen if the original version didn’t get your ears interested.

Title Fight — In-Between

I probably don’t have a lot to say about this one, even though I quite literally listen to it all the time for the past three or so years. Title Fight used to be on repeat all day back in the day, I even remember reviewing this record because of how much I’d listen to this song and Head in the Ceiling Fan. Highly recommend them both, they’re some of the best experiences this genre could provide back then.

Geese — Jesse

Sometimes people get so Geesed up from 3D Country (which is one of my favorite albums at this point, by the way) and Getting Killed that they end up forgetting deep cuts like these. Another sunbathing song, I love this one to death.

Cage The Elephant — Sweetie Little Jean

I was listening to the playlist of that one perfect girl and she has a lot of affection for Cage The Elephant. This song was not on the playlist, I don’t even know if she ever cared for this one, really. But it’s the one that I remember the most from this album. A friend recommended me a cover of this song on YouTube a long time ago made by a cute girl, it kind of got stuck in my young brain along with the story of the missing girl told by the singer.

Without me realizing, there are a few songs here that I discovered through covers. I would listen to a lot of those back in the day, wishing a lot to make a few ones (even though I’d hate my voice to death back then). One of my favorite songs of all time, Master Blaster by Stevie Wonder, I discovered through a KILLER bass cover made by this lady that I had a huge crush back in the day. I wish I’d listen to more covers nowadays of songs I don’t know.

This Is Lorelei and Snail Mail — Two Legs (Snail Mail Version)

The ultra omega deluxe version of this This is Lorelei album that I love is out, along with a lot of people covering the songs from the album (there’s even a Hayley Williams cover there!) I think this song is probably to Nate’s brother, and I definitely feel this way torwards my siblings, but I can’t help but say this is another song that I listen thinking only about the lady I love.

If you said you wanted two days, I’d give you five
And I’d still be alive
Ain’t nothing gonna make me cry — I will not cry, love
If it made life easy for you, I would say goodbye
And love, if you said you needed two legs, i’d give you mine

plenty — あいという

Love is the Fear Killer was almost the only post of the month, all thanks to this song.

Everything is as confusing as it was back then, but so much brighter at the same time. She makes my days much clearer, even if I think I must bring a lot of clouds to hers.

Roberto Carlos — Como é Grande o Meu Amor por Você

This is grandma-core, okay?

I actually did a workout a few days ago listening to this song. Like, it makes absolutely no sense how much in love I am that that works to make me workout so much better. I think the world would never be ready if I actually put a photo of hers around while working out; I’d probably lift the whole world with one finger!!!!

Okay, sorry, sorry. It’s just love, I’m sorry.

Djonga — UFA

I got really addicted to Sidoka again this month, so I had to go back to the track that made me discover him. His flow in this Djonga song is insane, matches the beat so well while also being an excellent contrast from the other rappers. I kind of think he stole the show here, I almost only listen to this song to get to his verse.

Cássia Eller — Palavras Ao Vento

I tried to workout to this one, but it was hard even for me. I was haunted by the lyrics of this one this month.

Ando por aí querendo te encontrar
Em cada esquina paro em cada olhar
Deixo a tristeza e trago a esperança em seu lugar
Que o nosso amor pra sempre viva
Minha dádiva
Quero poder jurar que essa paixão jamais será

Palavras apenas
Palavras pequenas
Palavras

Hozier — Wildflower and Barley

Among the many songs I’d listen to in the bus going to college last year, while distant from her, this Hozier album was on repeat in many days. I love the way his voice complements the female singer of the track, the chorus is just haunting. I’m very jealous of the way he writes, too. Almost makes me want to abandon my Frankenstein style and just copy him, he makes everything so much fuller with his words.

Superheaven — Youngest Daughter

This is that song that got famous in TikTok, by the way. It’s actually really good! I love to sing it while taking a shower and try to hold my breath like the singer does; it takes a lot more breath control than it seems!

The Cranberries — Linger

But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger, oh-oh-oh
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to?
Do you have to?
Do you have to let it linger?

Frou Frou — A New Kind Of Love (Demo)

I was wishing to write a whole post about this song, but I don’t know anymore. I don’t think there’s anything else that I want to say that the lyrics don’t say better on their own. I relate to every single line in there, and it’s funny because I read in Genius a guy saying that the bridge also shows a fight between them where one is being the avoidant one, changing the subject when it comes to their feelings. Even that hurts in me, I don’t know what to say. I’ve found many exact companions for my pain this month.

Are ya falling in love?
I’ve a feeling you are
Are ya falling in love
With a feeling?
Are you falling in love
Or only feeling you are?
Cause if you’re falling in love
Let me feel it

The Smiths — This Night Has Opened My Eyes

Even though the song is about an abortion, something about its view and atmosphere made me relate to it heavily for a while. “And I’m not happy and I’m not sad”. Yeah, I got you.

Before my current Cure phase, I was briefly in a Smiths phase. I hope to go back to it as soon as I listen to so much of the Cure that my ears start bleeding (I can’t stop listening to them, help!!!).

Little Richard — Lucille

I remembered this song out of nowhere while working out. It took me a long time, but I discovered from where I know it: it’s in a Skins episode!!! Like, Effy is doing some bullshit, probably, in the kitchen or something, and then the song plays.

God. Skins. That was a good time to be alive. I miss being silly and younger. Oh yeah, the song is nice, too.

Ladytron — Ghosts

Just a lovely song I used to listen to when I was in the mood for songs like these. It’s hard to describe it, but it used to be my jam. I don’t want to miss it, so it stays here in this playlist.

Ray Charles — Georgia on My Mind

Unironically one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever listened to.

I’m a person who’s very detached from songs about places. I grew up in a place that didn’t have any personality, that didn’t match me at all, so it’s hard to feel any connection when people start talking about their hometowns. However, listening to this song, talking about Georgia exactly the same way as you would a lady you fancy, it makes you miss home. It makes you want to write a love song again.

House Of Pain — I’m A Swing It

Just a killer hip-hop track.

Fun fact: on the awful new years from 2024 to 2025, the one I spent alone in my house only listening to music, I would listen to this one and Bad to the Bone in repeat. KKKKKKKKKK Like, I was addicted to them at the time, I was just trying to distract myself while drinking and pretending I was having a nice time, you know? I was really just falling apart, though. Still, the song is quite good, you have to admit.

U.S. Girls — Time

This whole U.S. Girls album could be in here. If you’ve never listened to her, I don’t think this is the best one to start, but still wouldn’t be a disappointing listen. I’ve been listening to this one ever since it came out and it kind of grew a lot in me. It’s very easy to underestimate what she was doing here, until you just let it sit with you for a while.

Sun Kil Moon — Ben’s My Friend

This song — and this album, maybe — kind of kickstarted the period in time where Kozelek would just ramble in the microphone and call it a song, not saying anything of particular value. I would defend this song if Kozelek wasn’t a piece of shit, but regardless of that, it still is probably the one instance where he was trying to do that and it worked really well. That’s pretty much the only complement Kozelek would get from me, now. Fuck him, even though I’m quite addicted to Sun Kil Moon these past couple of years.

St. Vincent — Los Ageless

This is a timeless song, but I only put it here because of the chorus. Many times, and I mean MANY times while I was in love with this girl I would think of St. Vincent in the chorus of this song, because she was just so perfect that it was the only thing to be thought about.

How can anybody have you?
How can anybody have you and lose you?
How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their mind, too?

ceZk — Runaway Runaway

She told me she was addicted to this song. It’s very much her-coded. I think the lyrics are things she could come up with as well. I think this is probably a cover from the Mars Argo song, with the “probably” only being there because I don’t recognize Mars Argo voice and I can’t find the original in good quality. Still, it’s a good song from that time. Kind of reminds me of some Lily Allen tracks I grew up listening to, that kind of bumpy/mellow vibe to listen to while you’re running to get to college or something. I vibe with it.

About the text: There’s a chance she might read this. I’m sorry if anything sounds negative, so I hope you know I love you in an impossibly strong way. Each day it grows. Soon, I won’t be able to behave with it alone. So if we ever distance ourselves again, know that this was always true. You are quite the happy view I stumbled across. I love to study you. I love to watch you think. I love to make you laugh. I love your smile, your face, your words. I’d love to love loving you. I truly do, and I would each day forever.

May’s playlist is here! Check it out before I fill it with The Cure!!!

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